Epic #3 July 7, 2021

[Legal Department]

One Wrestle Movement
In Association With
Iconic Sports Media

Present

Live from the Ross Kelley Rodeo Arena in Pasadena, Texas

The crowd’s at near-capacity in the Ross Kelley Rodeo Arena tonight with three thousand seven hundred sixty-six 1WM fans in attendance for tonight’s one-hour show! The orange-brown dirt floor has been cleared of debris and flattened with a tractor before the broadcast. Unnervingly, the dried bloodstains of Epic #2’s brutality remain on the yellow-white canvas as a cruel reminder of what Driller Jaworski did to Erick St John two weeks ago, though. Despite that, the open-air covered stadium bathed in cool blue moonlight and orange skylights still has an upbeat vibe with star-spangled banners hung up on the skirts of the six-sided ring, as well as over the announcer’s booth window above the entrance aisle. Of course, this patriotic makeover is in honor of the United States of America’s Independence Day. Once all that’s showcased, we catch a glimpse of Spazz and VIP in the booth!

Vance Issac Parker: Ladies and gentlemen, I have some great news to open this show with. For the past couple of episodes, we know you’ve been entertained by my broadcast partner here dropping a coin into a glass jar every time he shows us how filthy his language is, but we’re going to up the ante now. Rather than a jar with dirty coins, every time Spazz uses such language, he’s going to have two dollars deducted from his salary by automatic payroll deduction. That money will then be donated to a worthy cause in the city we happen to be working that night. But that’s not all! The company will be matching all donations Spazz here is so generous to give, dollar for dollar. So Spazz...swear for charity? How bout it?! Now, with all that out of the way, let’s get onto the show!

Spazz: Here we are in the dirtiest Arena since the Baltimore High School Gym, but at least it’s just dirt and taking place far away in Reno.

Vance Issac Parker: You know what’s great about Baltimore? They have the Ravens, and Ravens fans aren’t near as unruly as those Vegas Raiders fans…..

Spazz: The card is staaaaacked, yo. Looking forward to it.

Vance Issac Parker: There seems to be something...different, about you tonight, partner. I wonder what it is?

Spazz: You know, Vipster, I talk alotta shit but I ain't really all full of myself yo. I'm no VIP. I'm just the Spaztastic One, Mike Spazz. Just a nobody that got handed a mic one day & told to talk whatever at a table. I ain't everybody's bag but I'm true & everything's legit with me. I ain't an edge lord trying to talk big time cause I need to feel important or cool. This is who I am.

Vance Issac Parker: If that’s who you are, that’s who you are. It’s no one's place but themselves to change anyone. Anyway, we got a hot card up right?!

Spazz: Yeah we got a show to do here!

“Only in California” plays as the Headhunters walk down to the ring with their new Kali Kartel recruits. The crowd showers the gang with “boos.” The Headhunters hold their tag team gold in the air to spite the fans and point to their newest allies.

Vance Issac Parker: At the most recent Legendary just one week ago, we saw the Kali Kartel add two new, dangerous members to their outfit, Jack Riggs and Driller Jaworski! Both men came to the aid of The Headhunters at the conclusion of their match with Regulators, Inc., and laid out both Jane Adler and Sadie Cassidy!

Spazz: And Drill’s McGee did so after being sent through two flaming tables along with William James Cordova earlier that night!

Vance Issac Parker: I’m not sure if this is the master leading his pets, or if these two knuckleheads actually just tried to hop on what, unfortunately, has become a hotly discussed situation in Driller Jaworski and they’re just coasting off him. Against my better judgment, let’s hear what they have to say...hopefully they speak English better than they tweet it.

The four men climb into the ring and continue to absorb the jeers of the crowd. The Kartel talk amongst themselves before Eric gestures to a ringside attendant for a microphone. The attendant throws him one.

Eric Calloway: Well, looky looky…. y’all mothafuckers thought the Kali Kartel had up and dried up. The tricks all on you, bitches. We warned y’all for days….weeks even that Kali Kartel wasn’t over. And at Legendary 18, y’all fuckers realized we wasn’t fuckin’ lyin’! What y’all see in this fuckin’ ring is one scary-ass crew! Y’all already know our homegirl Noelle Jansen done punked Goldilocks outta the World Title picture. The O.G. Solomon Monster got errbody pissed off in this raggedy-ass company. And now we added two of the meanest, baddest mothafuckers walkin’ the Earth to the home team. Mothafuckers, welcome Driller Jaworski and Jack Riggs!

If the crowd could get any louder with their collective boos, it seems as if they do.

Spazz: They talk better than they type on Twitter.

Vance Issac Parker: Unfortunately, somehow they are champions...goes right along with that “conduct unbecoming” I’ve been saying about our current crop of the best One Dub has to offer.

Spazz: I know dawg, and it’s kind of sad in a way. They stole the freaking things in the first place! The Regulators should’ve gotten those belts back LONG ago!

Driller Jaworski: Everybody wants to know why in the hell I would ally myself with two men like Dexter and Eric Calloway. My answer is long, but it’s simple. After I debuted in February, I was booked for my second match against Dustin Holt. I had heard about how Holt was a messiah of violence or some stupid shit like that and how he had been the inventor, innovator, and master of the Prison Chamber Match. Being a lover of violence myself, I was immediately a big fan of Dustin Holt, and I hoped that he and I could commiserate on our mutual fondness for brutality. I was even begging to have my match with Holt changed to a Prison Chamber Match just so I could experience it myself. You know how Dustin Holt responded when I put out my hand in friendship? He slapped it away! He treated me like fucking jerk. He called me all sorts of names and thought that he was too good to give me the time of the fucking day.

Fast forward to Legendary 15, where I debuted the greatest physical exhibition in the history of professional wrestling, The Five-Minute Drill, and made instant history by dropping Ryan Reynolds straight down on his head and sending him out of the arena on a stretcher. And this was after already putting two other jabronis down! But even though I had just crippled a Canadian national treasure, even though The Five-Minute Drill was a smashing success, did anybody acknowledge it? No! They were all too busy praising Jenn Drew for ending the 30-billion-year reign of Arley Kirk as World Heavyweight Champion! All except two men: Eric and Dexter Calloway.

Vance Issac Parker: To be fair, I’m fairly certain that Arley’s reign was, in fact, not ‘thirty billion years’. Just to clear up the numbers for those watching at home.

He points to them as the crowd boos. The brothers feign over-exaggerated appreciation.

Driller Jaworski: These men praised my Five-Minute Drill! They applauded what I did to The Green Lantern. They called it “tite!”

Spazz: “Tite?” Really?

Vance Issac Parker: Oh dear God he’s talking like them too. Help us.

Driller Jaworski: I didn’t ask for their praise! I didn’t seek their approval! They gave that to me unsolicited. They did it of their own free will! You know why? It’s because these men knew something truly important had happened. They respected the work that I did! They appreciated that when 1WM didn’t give me a match at Legendary 15, I took it upon myself to seize the moment and show the world exactly what I can do in this ring!

He points to them as the crowd boos. The brothers feign over-exaggerated The Headhunters nod their heads in agreement.

Driller Jaworski: But you all know what happened next. The authorities in Canada didn’t appreciate what I did to Van Wilder, so they put me in handcuffs and threw me in a jail cell. And what did 1WM do about this? NOTHING! They did NOTHING! They left me to rot in that jail cell! They didn’t try to bail me out! They didn’t try to explain to the authorities that I was putting on an exhibition and Ryan Reynolds entered my ring by his choice! No! They were embarrassed of me and left the country and me behind. It was only through the efforts of my own legal counsel, whom I had to pay for out of my own pocket, that the charges against me were dropped, and I was able to leave a free man and return to the United States! I was locked up in that jail for a month and a half, and when I came back to 1WM, did anybody ask where I had been? Nope. 1WM didn’t even tell the roster what had happened to me. There was no press release about it. They just treated me like a ghost. They treated me like I had disappeared or I had never existed.

Vance Issac Parker: Sounds like two months too short of a time, if you ask me.

Driller Jaworski: Again, only two men in this entire cesspool of an organization showed any concern for where I had been all that time: Eric and Dexter Calloway.

More boos from the crowd as The Headhunters boast, “Damn straight!”

Driller Jaworski: They were the first and only men to ask what had happened to me, and when I explained it, they couldn’t believe how I had been treated by this promotion. It was only a short time after that that they approached me with the offer to join the Kali Kartel. They asked me to be a part of their family. They know what’s best for me. These men and the rest of my family in the Kali Kartel are not going to abandon me when I am in need of help. They don’t stick their noses up at me because of the way that I look or because of my actions inside this ring. They accept me for who I am. They love random acts of violence just as much as me! They encourage me to keep being the person and the fighter that I am. That’s why I joined The Headhunters and the rest of the Kali Kartel; and in return, I will stand by my family’s side and be there whenever they need me, just like I did last week when I was sent into a raging fire but got back on my feet to protect my brothers’ gold.

The crowd boos.

Driller Jaworski: So if there is anybody that wants to come at these men, or come at anybody else in my new family, just understand that I will defend these men with the ferocity of a million loyal soldiers guarding their homeland! No one will violate my family! No one will disrespect my family! Not Don Tirri, not William James Cordova, not Griffin Hawkins, not even that douchebag former child star who thinks he can do commentary!

Vance Issac Parker: Thinks?! Public opinion would dictate otherwise. Not that I should be insulted by what someone that believes linking up with two people that have the combined brain capacity of a dead rodent is a good career move, would have to say.

Driller Jaworski: The Kartel is going to rule this mud pit that is One Wrestle Movement! Anybody that doesn’t understand that- or tries to stop us- will...be...DRILLED!

The crowd boos as he tosses the mic to Jack Riggs.

Spazz: Yo *taps watch* How much show time we got because this bit’s is gettin’ long in the tooth.

Jack Riggs: Motherfuckers keep asking me why I joined this group of crazy fucks. Well, I don't really need to explain myself, but since I'm a nice fucking dude, I will. You see these two assholes over here? These Headhunters?

Jack points to a grinning Eric and Dexter.

Jack Riggs: While back in the day when I was starting out, I drove down to fucking LA to train, and I'd meet up with these two. We would work shows, have beers, and have some fucking fun. I didn't join these guys because I wanted some advantage here but because they are my fucking brothers. You dumb fucks in the locker room can talk all the trash, but these guys are loyal, and they got someone's back, no matter what if you got theirs. That is what really fucking matters in this business.

His gaze then falls upon Driller.

Jack Riggs: Plus, my dude Driller is fucking hilarious, so why would I not want to be associated with that shit?

You can hear Driller say, “Thank you.”

Jack Riggs: So if you want to fuck with anyone you see in this ring, you are fucking with my friends, and I ain't gonna take that lightly. I will run you the fuck over and make sure you regret ever looking at us the wrong way!

Crowd: FUCK KARTEL! FUCK KARTEL! FUCK KARETL!

Spazz: You mooks seen these guys? Driller’s the prettiest one there! I knew this crowd had no taste, Vipster!

Vance Issac Parker: ...And that’s saying something. It’s not like he ever won second place in a beauty pageant.

Spazz: Beauty? Not that beast, HA!

Eric Calloway: Blah, blah, blah! Save that bullshit ass booin’ for y'all motherfuckin’ momma! Kali Kartel don’t give a shit bout none of y'all and how y'all feel bout us. One here for one thing and one thing only and that’s to run y'all fuckin’ heroes straight up out this business by any fuckin’ means! And that starts tonight against them wack ass Fallen Angels!

“Only In California” plays again as the four members of Kali Kartel throw up “Ks”, reveling at the hatred still being spewed upon them.

Vance Issac Parker: I feel like I just lost eight minutes of my life that I’ll never get back.

Spazz: The saddest part? They ain’t even that smart and they’re running this show. I mean I remember a time when the bad guys were smart? These guys just got muscle, mean streaks, and no freaking class.

Vance Issac Parker: At any rate. Folks, we could talk about The Head Hunters until we’re blue in the face, but we’ve got a show to do, and with people more important than them to boot. In fact, I’m receiving word that we’ve got Damon Graves standing by in the back.

Scene cuts backstage, where Damon Graves is already geared up, pacing back and forth like a caged animal.

Damon Graves: Good things come to those who wait… Right, Dexter? You and your brother have been sticking your noses into the business of me and my wife ever since we showed up in 1WM. Not once have offered an explanation as to why… not that it matters. You fucked up our debut… you fucked up our match against the Symphony of Destruction… you constantly have our names in your mouths… why?

Damon stops pacing.

Damon Graves: Granted, I’m not a licensed psychologist, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out your motivations. You and your brother waste precious air trying to convince anyone that will listen that my wife and I aren’t worth shit, but if that is the case, why bother? Simple. You two are scared because even a pair of simpletons like you understand that your “dominant” reign as Tag Team Champions is nothing but a joke. In your very first defense, it took everything you had to eke out a victory over the Masters Sisters, and when you faced Regulators, Incorporated, you couldn’t even beat them on your own.

Damon leans in closer to the camera.

Damon Graves: But let’s get back to the matter at hand… You’ve already told us that the Fallen Angels won’t get a title shot as long as you’re holding the belts and that the closest we’ll get will be singles matches… well, if that’s what it takes to help you sleep at night, so be it. Make no mistake, Dex, I’m making the most of this opportunity. Considering the fact that nobody considers you as a competent wrestler, this is gonna get ugly real quick. This is going to be a fight, and that’s fine by me. I’ll be more than happy to throw hands, asshat, and when the dust settles, you won’t be disrespecting me again.

Damon brings up his right hand to shove the camera out of his way before exiting. Scene cuts back to ringside.

Vance Issac Parker: Whether it’s Damon or anyone, please let someone remove these nose goblins from any state of relevancy and restore some semblance of honor and pride to these once-prestigious One Dub Tag Team Championships. They can’t keep dodging forever...the longer it goes, the larger the inevitable explosion will become.

Singles Match
Damon Graves
versus
Dexter Calloway

DING DING DING!!!

The first match of the night starts off fast when Dexter Calloway immediately tries to hit his half of The Headhunter’s San Andreas Fault finisher, a sitout rear mat slam when Damon catches him in a three-quarter facelock, then snapmare’s Calloway to the mat. He runs at the ropes, hoping his opponent goes for their usual move, but when he goes to hit a mid dropkick, Dexter’s quick to raise his leg to kick him square between the legs!

Calloway laughs and makes fun of his recovering opponent rolling in agony, then stands to taunt the fans with blatant insults. He turns his attention towards Damon again, a sinister scowl on his face when he mounts the tag team specialist to land disrespectful slap after slap! Laughing wildly like a hyena, he takes pleasure in his foe’s humiliation as Damon grows angrier by the second! Then he turns into position to lock in a Boston crab to wear down the legs.

Vance Issac Parker: Is it just me, or does this Dexter remind you of one of the Hyenas from The Lion King? He makes a perfect Ed.

Spazz: Don’t insult Ed! Ed’s a genius next to that guy.

After screaming in agony, Damon finally manages to slip out of the hold, using the ropes to pull himself out of the ring and onto the dirt floor below. A cloud of smoke surrounds him for a moment, coughs leave his lips while he climbed to his feet and immediately re-enters the battlefield. Dex gets a lead-footed stop on his leg before Damon can climb to his feet, really aiming for that limb before the two stood eye-to-eye.

With a big roundhouse kick with his non-injured leg grounded, he sends Calloway reeling. Then he kicks him again. And again! And again! And again! Over and over in quick succession ‘til Dex collapses to his knees. Shining wizard! Using the ropes for leverage, he jumps off the bottom rope and drops his good knee on the scoundrel’s chest. Then he follows up with stomps of his own, the crowd hollering with delight while he gives everyone what they’ve been wanting all this time!

As Dex slowly climbs to his feet, Graves catches him in a double underhook. Intending to hit his Broken Halo brainbuster, the audience erupts into joy!

Oh, what’s this?! Damon walked back, Dexter running forward! Graves’s spine hits the turnbuckle, and the grip loosens enough for the arrogant thug to break free! The body strikes pepper the fan favorite with fists, then his mouth is punched for good measure. Now Calloway savagely throws Damon out of the way to climb the turnbuckle himself, instantly jumping off to try to hit his flying DDT finisher he calls Drive By! Except, without his brother Eric holding his opponent still, he misses the mark when Damon dodges and hits him with a lightning-quick mid-air Broken Halo brainbuster!

ONE!
TWO!!
THR - ROPE BREAK!!!

Vance Issac Parker: Oh c’mon now, that was a three and you know it!

The crowd boos heavily when it’s revealed Dexter’s Headhunter brother Eric Calloway ran to ringside and manually put his brother’s foot on the bottom rope. Eric smiles deviously, insulting Damon all the while.

Vance Issac Parker: Why do we even bother? The NFL has instant replay technology, why is wrestling stuck in the nineties and our officials STILL can’t see this nonsense right before their eyes?!

Spazz: I’ve always said wrestling companies need more than just medical. Get these mofugga’s some Dental and Vision too!


Dexter’s still lying when Damon exits the ring, quickly chasing after Eric with ferocity! Eventually, though, he rounds a corner of the six-sided ring only for his momentum to be used against him! Stepping aside and falling to his back to cause the legal competitor to stumble, Damon’s bad leg crashes into the black steel steps when orange-brown dirt smoke billows around them to hide Eric’s actions from the referee!

Once the dust settles, Eric is already making his getaway! Dexter climbs to his feet, rolls Damon into the ring, and holds Damon in a wicked Argentine leglock with all the strength he has left! After a considerable amount of time, Damon passes out. The referee calls for the bell. The audience show their displeasure.

DING DING DING!!!

Jacquie Leblanc: The winner of this match… by submission… Dexter Calloway!!!

Vance Issac Parker: This is a travesty. Absolute garbage tier...I don’t even want to call that wrestling, from two pieces of garbage that hope to someday evolve to a human being. Absolutely despicable!

Spazz: I think the crowd is sayin’ it better than you can, Vips.

Glory 14 streams LIVE on July 15th, 2021!

Main Event
Glory Championship Tournament Finals Match
Three Way Dance
Izzy Marx
versus
"Old School Cool" Don Tirri
versus
William James Cordova

Cutting backstage, we see Justice Cross walking into the Ross Kelley Rodeo Arena. Her phone was in her right hand but up to her ear, and she was in a conversation with someone. While looking at the security guard then going to walk past him, she felt a hand grab her left arm, so she stopped telling the person she would call them back. Putting her phone into her pocket, she turned to the guard, narrowing her eyes at him.

Justice Cross: Get your hand off me.

Security Guard Chase Jenkins: I can’t let you go in the arena, Miss.

Justice Cross: Excuse me?

Security Guard Chase Jenkins: You aren’t allowed in the arena.

Justice Cross: Are you serious right now?

Security Guard Chase Jenkins: Look, lady. I’ve been hired for the night ‘cause the guard who’s usually here called in sick. Let me look at my list and see if your name is on it, alright?

Justice Cross: It’s on the list.

The guard lets go of her and picks up a clipboard, looking at the list of names.

Security Guard Chase Jenkins: What’s your name, sweetheart?

Justice Cross: It’s Justice Cross.

Security Guard Chase Jenkins: Justice Cross?

Justice Cross: Yeah.

Looking through his list, he doesn’t find her name, so he looks up at her. Then, he looks back down at the list and up at her again.

Security Guard Chase Jenkins: Yeah, nah. That name ain’t on this list.

Justice Cross: What the hell do you mean?

Security Guard Chase Jenkins: You speak English, right? What part of ‘the name Justice Cross isn’t on the list’ don’t you understand? It looks like there’s a “Morgan Cross” on here, though.

Justice Cross: Excuse me?

Security Guard Chase Jenkins: As soon as Morgan Cross gets here, she can go into the arena. Until then, Justice Cross ain’t permitted.

Justice Cross: Who gave you this list?

Security Guard Chase Jenkins: Look, kid. I don’t get paid to answer your questions.

Justice Cross: I don’t go by that name. My name is Justice Cross.

Security Guard Chase Jenkins: All you have to do is say that is who you are, and I’ll let you into the building.

Justice Cross: Fine. I am Morgan Cross, and I am here to watch those that are booked for Epic.

Security Guard Chase Jenkins: Delightful. Have a good night, Morgan.

Clenching both of her hands into fists, Justice would turn and walk into the arena. We cut back to ringside to find a chuckling Mike Spazz.

Spazz: Oh man, you had something to do with that dawg! I know it!

Vance Issac Parker: Morgan, you say? Hmm. I’ll keep that in mind.

In the Ross Kelley Rodeo Arena’s backstage hallway, a masked Coda sits on an equipment box high off the floor with her legs crossed and an open notebook on her lap. The Pint-Sized Keiju idly chews on the metal of her pencil underneath the eraser, then rubs the pink rubber against the page. Redrawing the details, she carefully depicts a rough version of Leonardo da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man - except it’s not a man at all! In fact, it’s distinctly her opponent tonight, Ursula Von Rossbach. She had four massive arms and four well-sculpted legs, superimposed to the best of Coda’s artistic ability. All surrounded by a circle and a square, the Korean-American made sure to add ring gear to the sloppy picture of her tag team partner to assure she wouldn’t be indecent. Around this image, little notes and strategies are written in pretty, bubbly cursive. A shadow looms over her as the Lady Terminator herself steps up to her.

Ursula Von Rossbach: Preparations, Ms. Coda? Have I chosen a poor time to visit as you piece together a master plan for my destruction?

Von Rossbach permits herself a brief smile.

Coda: I have watched videos. I have trained with numerous fighters of comparable size to yours. I have rested to try to heal prior nagging injuries. All that is left is to attempt to calm myself. Nothing is accomplished if I am frustrated.

Ursula nods with approval, crossing her hands behind her back.

Ursula Von Rossbach: Anger can lead to many errors, though there are times when the added adrenaline and focus can lead to desirable outcomes in moderation.

Coda stands in defiance, a hint of frustration in her near-emotionless hues. From her nose to her chin, the rest of her face is indecipherable because of the dark blue surgical face mask she wears.

Coda: You misunderstand! Wrestling is my special interest. I eat, sleep, and live this sport - this is not metaphoric. I am ALWAYS focused, and I do not need to succumb to anger to succeed.

The diminutive teammate of Symphony of Destruction crosses her arms over her petite chest. Even so, she doesn’t look Ursula directly in the eye.

Coda: Your rage has only led to many unbecoming outbursts in recent weeks. Yet you still talk about its benefits? Bah!

There is a visible bristling in Ursula’s stance, her head inclining forward while Coda turns her head to the side dismissively.

Ursula Von Rossbach: Excuse me? You insult me as if I am some lesser, Ms. Coda. My outbursts are both my choice and my business. Those who have earned my ire are deserving of my contempt. This is a competition between friends, but if your desire was to anger me for even the smallest of advantages, then it is quite clear you do not understand me as well as I had thought.

Her withering meets Coda’s with unyielding resolve once she looks forward. The mark had been made.

Ursula Von Rossbach: As for your assumption, there was no misunderstanding until now.

Coda takes a tentative step back towards the wall, visibly looking distraught.

Coda: I have missed a fundamental social cue? I believed we could speak honestly with each other.

Ursula seems to stand so very still, her breathing barely perceptible.

Ursula Von Rossbach: With respect, yes. I have always spoken to you with respect and have only ignored one offense prior, the moment you told me to be silent during an in-ring promotional, as I recall. While I do understand you have a condition, Ms. Coda, I also know that your condition does not preclude speaking down to me in a manner that is less than cordial unless perhaps I have done something to deserve it.

She steps forward one step to match Coda’s back step. Worry washes over the lithe samurai enthusiast.

Ursula Von Rossbach: I have been nothing but supportive to you, and instead of speaking to me in a manner befitting a friend, I am scolded like a dog for my shortcomings. Explain to me how this is an acceptable method of communication to an ally.

Coda pauses, attempting to choose her words as carefully as possible.

Coda: It is not.

Ursula studies her every movement, muscle twitch, and even the dilation of her pupils. She observes every inch of her partner and opponent’s body language.

Coda: It is wrong of me to say these words. It was not to gain an advantage, nor was it meant to imply you were in any way lesser. I have no excuse to offer, and I feel shame it is me who is unbecoming today.

Coda slowly circumvents her colossal opponent to walk back to her chair, her eyes on Ursula with caution the whole time. Then, she grabs her notebook and shows her partner the drawing like a Kindergarten teacher would show her little students. Then she handed Ursula the book.

Coda: I admire you in many ways. You have accomplished things I can only imagine myself doing. You lift more weights, defeat opponents I could not, and seem to gain friends much more quickly than I could. If I have been anything other than supportive, I am deeply sorry. Perhaps I am unfit to be your tag team partner, much less hold the Splat! Multiuniversal Championship.

Ursula studies the picture for a moment, listening to Coda’s words. She then folds the notepad with seemingly great care and hands it back. Finally, after a very brief moment of internal weighing of everything she has observed, a nod is given.

Ursula Von Rossbach: I see in you the very essence of someone I knew long before wrestling or even military service, Ms. Coda. I see in you a variation of my past staring back at me, socially awkward and prone to saying things others find offensive because that is the truth and the truth is always correct, even when it is not the correct thing to say in a given circumstance.

Her body visibly loosens as she relaxes her poise. The expression on her face seems to slowly lose its tension, resuming the much harder to read default state that it usually rests in.

Ursula Von Rossbach: I have lost the gift you possess, in a way, the ability to be completely forthright. I instead pick and choose what truths to express and which ones I keep close to my vest. It is because of this and the indomitable will you have always displayed in battle that I respect you above many others and when you cut me, I…. register it more than I would any other.

Ursula adjusts her gloves.

Ursula Von Rossbach: You have great potential, perhaps greater than what I had possessed at your age.

Coda lowers her mask, along with her guard.

Coda: It is an honor to hear these words.

A small nod is given in response.

Coda: No matter what happens tonight, a Symphony Destroyer will be Champion of the Multiuniverse after Mariah Lopez is dethroned!

Coda shouts the words with enthusiasm and passion, then starts to fiddle with her fingers.

Coda: We will celebrate the winner’s victory with ice cream after the show?

Ursula Von Rossbach: We will fight, and then, we shall dine on Ice Cream, Ms. Coda.

Another small smile is permitted.

Spazz: That was a moment and a half. I thought Ursula was gonna’ crush her like a beer can!

Vance Issac Parker: Enemies will often argue, but it takes a true friendship to hold the respect towards one another such that you can express disagreements in a manner that doesn’t end in violence.

Spazz: True, I’ve wanted to slap my friends upside their dumb heads more than a few times.

Vance Issac Parker: Aaannndd on that note, allow me to take a sip of this totally-not-conveniently-placed-bottle of Mountain Dew ZERO. Mmm, Mountain Dew ZERO - even better than the original? Head out to your local market and try one for yourself!

Spazz: Taste the Dew, Motherfuckers!

We cut backstage to a close-up shot of Aurora Graves with her back to the camera, adjusting the straps of her ring gear. As she slowly turns her head to look over her left shoulder, a sly smile creeps across her face as she lets out a faint chuckle.

Aurora Graves: It’s about damn time I got my hands on one of these clowns….

She turns around, only to lean against the wall with her thumbs hooked onto her waistband. She turns her head to face the camera, her long blonde hair spilling over her shoulder as the smile fades from her face, only to be replaced with a defiant glare.

Aurora Graves: From the moment my husband and I arrived in 1WM, you and your equally dimwitted brother Dexter have CONSTANTLY involved yourselves in our business. In fact, you’ve been so far up our asses, it’s fucking ridiculous! What’s worse is the fact that almost every time you two cabrones stick your noses where they don’t belong, the other goons in your “Kartel” aren’t that far behind.

As she throws her hands up in air quotes, she rolls her eyes and sneers, letting out an audible expression of disgust.

Aurora Graves: Ugh… so typical. Shitheads like you can’t stand on their own, so you have to hide behind a mob of like-minded jackholes who seem to live for doing nothing but making everyone else on the roster as miserable as possible.

Aurora clicks her tongue, shaking her head as she touches her fingertips to her forehead.

Aurora Graves: It’s something I’ve seen a million times. You claim that these clowns are with you out of loyalty, but I’m fairly certain that the moment you all outlive your usefulness, you’ll throw each other under the bus at the first opportunity. And the more of you there are, the more likely it’s going to happen.

She scoffs again, pushing off of the wall with her foot, turning her body so that she is now fully facing the camera.

Aurora Graves: You think that because you have your boys behind you that those tag team championships will be yours until they’re pried out of your cold, dead hands. Boy, nothing could be further from the truth. You see, my husband and I have held tag team gold in every company we’ve previously worked at. Which means, if we set a goal, we don’t back down until we get what we’re after. And that means…

She motions with her hands across her waist, her eyes narrowing as her disgusted sneer shifts into a wicked grin.

Aurora Graves: As much as you say it’ll never happen, if Damon and I decide we want those belts, then one way or another, we’ll get them.

The grin remains, but one side curls up just that much more.

Aurora Graves: There’s an old saying that talk is cheap. And judging from everything that either comes out of your mouth and all the bullshit you spew on Twitter, you aren’t even good enough for the clearance section of the 99¢ Store! But none of that matters tonight. You’ve done nothing but underestimate me from day one, so by all means, keep that shit up. Because tonight, I’ll make sure you eat every single last one of your words. Oh, and should any of your douchebag cronies decide to be true to form and show their asses in this match, it’ll just prove me right… That NONE of you can hack it in a fair fight. And if that’s the case, then maybe… JUST maybe… this bitch has bigger balls than your entire group combined.

Aurora points her thumbs toward herself and chuckles before sidestepping the camera and continuing down the hall. The camera stays focused on her until she gets a few yards away, then throws her hand up flashing a middle finger, laughing as the scene cuts to the announcer’s booth.

Vance Isaac Parker: Let’s just hope this match ends up differently than the last one.

The crowd looks a bit confused as “Ace of Spades” hits the PA system. No one comes down the aisle. Instead, “Old School Cool” Don Tirri saunters through the announcer’s boot door and makes his way to the commentary desk before plopping himself down next to VIP and Spazz, grabbing a headset.

Don Tirri: Sup, guys. Looked to me like you need a third here again. What’s cooking?

Spazz: DONNIE! Good to see you dude!

Vance Issac Parker: Classic Tirri. Come to take a vested interest in this next encounter, huh?

Singles Match
Aurora Graves
versus
Eric Calloway

DING DING DING!!!

Eric Calloway and Aurora Graves move in to lock up yet Graves staggers back as Calloway sneakily sidesteps at the last second catching and lifting him up to deliver him to the turnpad with the snake eyes! European uppercuts soon follow, and Eric quickly gets Aurora up against the ropes with the referee counting him down.

ONE
TWO
THREE
FOUR

Don Tirri: Typical Craphunter behaviour. Ref oughta just DQ him outta principle.

Spazz: Yeah but where’s the fun in that? If it ends this quick, the fans’ll be pissed!

Vance Isaac Parker: If they’re breaking the rules, let them be disqualified. Rules matter...

The crowd lets Calloway have it as he finally relents on the count of four and delivers a harsh downward chop that echoes through the arena and has Graves on her knees clutching her chest, mouth agape. Calloway sneers as he takes a short run-up and goes to punt Aurora in the head, and the crowd suddenly gets excited when she sleekly rolls out of the way, trips him up and bridges! Graves is locking in the REBEL YE~ No! Eric manages to break free and try to roll Aurora over for a Boston crab, but Aurora escapes by catapulting Calloway into the corner. Handspring back elbow smash by Graves, and Calloway staggers out of the corner and falls to the mat.

Don Tirri: Ha! That’s more like it.

Vance Issac Parker: What a beautiful sequence by Aurora, a flawless transition from whip to handspring, and, wait, she's not going for a cover?

Spazz: That Boston Crab was Boston Crap tho, yo! If he’d have done it right, she’d be folded up like a dirty wallet!

Aurora seizes the opportunity to climb to the top, and the crowd eats it up as she launches into a corkscrew senton, only to bounce off of Eric's knees as he pops them up at the last second. Wheelbarrow suplex by Calloway, and he hooks the leg

ONE!
TWO - KICKOUT!!

Don Tirri: If that’s all Sleaze E has to offer, this isn’t gonna last long.

Spazz: Remember when we used to call that the Sex Plex back in the day? Looked like you was bangin’ ‘em when you suplexed ‘em!

Vance Issac Parker: What is this, fifth grade? We’re giggling about sex jokes and innuendos, c’mon let’s get your minds focused!


Calloway is mad now, and it shows as he punches the mat in frustration before he illegally chokes Graves with his hands while slamming the back of her head into the mat.

ONE
TWO
THREE
FOUR

Don Tirri: Remember what I said earlier? Just DQ his ass.

Spazz: I’m starting to agree with you Donnie. There’s dirty pool and then there’s going to the well one too many damn times.

Vance Isaac Parker: Calloway is letting his emotions get the better of him. Not that Aurora needed the edge, but this just widens the skill gap between them even further.

Spazz: Keep your feels in check in that ring or they’ll gut you like a fish with ‘em son!

Eric Calloway angrily relents and gets up and starts to scream in the referee's face, but he doesn't realize that Aurora has started to get to her feet. He totally ignores the fans as they cheer while Aurora gives the signal. Graves creeps up, she swings Calloway around..BURY THE LIGH~no! Calloway breaks free and nails Aurora right in the chin with a huge superkick which takes it out of them both, Aurora hitting the deck and Calloway slumping to the mat, struggling to catch his breath. Meanwhile, you can hear a murmur in the crowd. The fans are furious as Dexter Calloway appears at the top of the ramp and starts heading toward the ring.

Don Tirri: Not on my watch.

Vance Issac Parker: *Huh? What are you—*

But then they POP as Don Tirri throws down his headset, runs out the announcer’s booth, climbs down the stairs, and rushes out the curtain to catch up with Dexter Calloway to deliver THE BOOT to the back of his head before he can interfere!! Tirri dives on Calloway and rains down punch after punch after punch for good measure!

Spazz: FUCK YEAH!!! SICK ‘EM DONNIE!!!

Vance Issac Parker: Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy. You know what else is nice, this delicious Mountain Dew ZERO - available at your local grocery store, and right now if you mention One Wrestle Movement you can get an entry for a chance to win front row seats at a future One Dub event. Some restrictions apply, check your grocer for participation in the event.


During VIP’s long commercial plug, the action returns to the ring, and we see Eric Calloway drag Aurora up to her feet, knee her in the gut and then haul her off for an Irish whip. Aurora on the rebound, and Calloway lets out a roar as he spins around and goes to deliver a harsh discus lariat, but Graves pops the crowd once more as she rolls out of the way, kips up, and JECHT SHOT! The Pele kick connects hard, and Calloway goes to fall, yet Aurora pops the crowd even harder as she ripcords him into a super-fast rendition of her BURY THE LIGHT! Finally, Aurora exhaustedly hooks the leg…

Vance Isaac Parker: Ballgame!

ONE!
TWO!!
THREE!!!

DING DING DING!!!

Jacquie Leblanc: The winner of this match… by pinfall… Aurora Graves!!!

Vance Issac Parker: Finally, the better person won, and we weren’t subjected to more of the braindead yammering of unintelligent hyenas.

Spazz: Dude, stop insulting Hyenas! They’re boss next to those clowns! As for this match? Don did what he said he was gonna’ do: whup that ass if it gave him even half an excuse and that was more than half, yo.

Vance Issac Parker: Don’t go to sleep yet guys, up next we got a couple words from our next sponsor, the not-so-Boring city of Oregon. Boring, Oregon, that is! ...I don’t know why I shouted that just now. At any rate, let’s take a look at what the not-boring city of Boring has to offer.

Caligula’s Palace at the Las Vegas Strip was one of the top, most exclusive hangouts for the elite of the elite! Anyone with connections knew how the place was run, knew someone on the inside, or at the very least had frequent contacts to conduct mutual business there. People would come from all over looking to get rich with their luck, but it’s twenty-twenty-one and you know how casinos are...still, the allure of riches was a powerful motivator for some, and many of them believed they would be “the one” to defy the Vegas odds. Many of which would also find their financial lives in ruin, their wives (or husbands, we don’t judge!) having left them after they inevitably fell to the house… We jump cut to the black jack table. But of course, it’s the oldest game on the books. Seven were gathered around as the dealer called out.

Dealer: Ante up?

All seven of them raised their glasses and threw a pair of chips into the center. And the dealer began. Two were out on the first demand to hit. The third stayed on a rather low fifteen. The fourth and fifth equally bust, leaving just two. With a nine up, the sixth man hits, then with a smug grin coldly, he replies.

The Sixth Man: I’ll stand.

Our last player looks down to see a two-three unsuited. In asking for a hit, he finds a four. Slamming his fist on the table, he demands another hit… this one gives him a six. Seventeen showing… It was the devil’s hand, too low to stay on but too high to hit on. But it’s Vegas, right? He didn’t come all the way here to play it safe. Looking around the table, the competent player showed a black Queen, while the dealer had a red ten showing. He knew he had to. After all, he’d been getting low cards all night, and another hit would give him the fifth and the guaranteed win in the Palace.

The Man: Hit me, Daddy!

The man shouted with a fist on the table. The dealer’s eyes locked stoically with his as she flipped the top card…

…

…

Queen of Spades.

He sat there incredulously, his head in his hands, his money now gone. He had bet it all on a single hand of cards, and just like that, his hopes and future had been flushed away.

Security Officer: Sir, if you have no chips, you must take your leave from the playing table…

The security officer informed him. The man mumbled to himself over and over. He didn’t want to get up. He didn’t want to believe it could have ended so nonchalantly. He muttered over and over, “five card Charlie”, perhaps not realizing that rule was not honored by professional Vegas casinos. Alas, though, he had no place at this table with no chips. But now what? With no money, and only the clothes on his back, what was the man to do?

: Psst, over here.

Like any good casino movie, you always move to check out mysterious voices from the shadows, obviously.

: That was a tough hand over there…

The Man: Yeah, what’s it to you?

: Easy hot rod, I’m the guy that’s gonna turn your luck around...for the right price, of course.

The man hesitated, first pressing his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose. Who trusted mysterious casino shadows, right? But then...what choice did he have?

The Man: Go on…

: First, you don’t want to be stuck here in this casino, right? I can help you get free...but you need to make some money for me. After all I’m not UNICEF, things have a real cost. Are you in?

What choice did he have? With hesitation, he replied,

The Man: ...I’m in, I guess.

: Good. Now, what do you know about professional wrestling…?

As the words trailed off, the scene drew to a fade, leaving only an image on the center of the television monitor for all to see.

Spazz: Who’s this mook? He looks like a low budget porn star.

Vance Isaac Parker: Three Card Monty? Isn’t that a card game you see down in the Brooklyn subway tunnels? Man, who comes up with these names...poor guy, you can’t help but feel for someone that just lost all their life savings, though.

Spazz: No I don’t have to feel shit. Dumbass threw down the cash and said hit me, that was mistake number one! Mistake number two? Dude thought he had a chance against the house! The house will BREAK YO’ ASS FOOL!

Vance Isaac Parker: I bet you’d be singing a different tune if you were the one that just went bankrupt.

Spazz: Nah dawg, ‘cause I don’t gamble in Casinos. I just make bets with friends on dumb stuff.

Vance Isaac Parker: Let’s go to ringside, where we have Janessa and Janica standing by.

We see Janessa Sweet in the ring with an interviewer for Epic, as she was being asked about the previous match against Janica Jayden.c

Vance Isaac Parker: First a ring announcer, and now the office sent us our own news correspondent? They must have a lot of faith in our production.

Spazz: Yup.


Dae-Hyun Lee: Hey! I’m Dae-Hyun Lee, and this is Janessa Sweet. Janessa, in your match with Janica Jayden, you refused to fight her mid-fight. What do you have to say for yourself?

Janessa Sweet: Well... I didn't really know what happened to her before I saw the recording, but I knew something was up with the way she landed. Something was wrong, and it felt wrong to kick her while she was down. There's no reason to try to put someone out of commission in this sport...

Just then, the Tomahawk Chop theme interrupts her while the crowd gives a chorus of boos for the arrival of DJ from the ATL.

DJ from the ATL: Yoooo!!! It's the savior of professional wrestling, and the voice of the YWC! And there's definitely some more questions for you, but we need a real professional to ask…

He said, getting into the ring, as Janessa looked annoyed by him, knowing his reputation.

Vance Isaac Parker: Hey, didn’t this guy get drilled a few weeks ago? I swear I remember a ‘DJ from the ATL’...

DJ from the ATL: So, it's bad enough you're an LFL import, which is already trash... But, you stopped a match in progress?! This is a cutthroat business, and we don't need any more big tiddy Twitter bimbos taking the place of actual talent!

With that, Janessa would snatch the microphone out of his hand and glared at him.

Janessa Sweet: I'm glad you finally got the balls to talk that talk face to face, pendejo. But, I'll answer your question. I didn't keep attacking Janica because she clearly wasn't one hundred percent. You, however, are.

Janessa said before giving DJ a big knee to the midsection. She then whipped him to the ropes before running to the opposite ropes and blasting him with an explosive side tackle that knocked him out of the ring, getting a bit of a pop from the crowd. Janessa would then smirk a bit, as "Tusk" would play, while she left the ring.

Spazz: DJ, dude you really need to be flat footed in that ring. I, for one, love big tiddy twitter bimbos, but the exception is I like TALENTED big tiddy twitter bimbos and Lil’ Ms. Sweet thang there just showed she knows how to give a hit.

Vance Issac Parker: It’s great to have the looks and all...but looks are no substitute for what is needed to be successful in the ring.

Spazz: 1WM! Book her so we can find out!

"Moonlight Sonata" by L'Orchestra Cinématique plays in the arena, and the crowd gets on its feet with a loud pop.

Spazz: Holy shit! ESJ is here!

Vance Issac Parker: Eric St John...I’d have thought he wouldn’t be back here, least not so soon since his absolutely atrocious suffering at the hands of...well, I hear he’s like Beetlejuice, so best not to say his name.

Erick indeed comes out, hand in hand, with his girlfriend Sandra Rose. There is a serious demeanor on their faces. Noticeable to all is the black eyepatch and glasses on Erick's face. When they reach the ring, Eric goes up the ring steps first then holds the ropes for Sandra to follow him up. Once in the ring, the ring attendant gives Erick the announcing mic as the camera gets a closer shot of the injured superstar. The crowd goes into an ESJ chant.

Crowd: ESJ! ESJ! ESJ!

Spazz: That eye is still lookin’ pretty fucked.

Vance Issac Parker: It’s really hard to keep an eye on it...sorry.

Erick paces with the mic for a few moments as the crowd gives him their support. He's trying valiantly to keep his composure.

Erick St. John: Thank you... thanks... to all of you.

The crowd goes into a higher-level pop.

Crowd: ESJ! ESJ! ESJ!

Erick raises a hand and slightly smiles at the crowd pop, but he's holding back tears and his tone is somber.

Erick St. John: Please... don't make this any more difficult...

These words catch the crowd's attention as it begins to hush.

Erick St. John: I appreciate the love... and the support... in the hours and days after my injury. 1WM has the best fans... period.

The crowd goes back into a supportive frenzy.

Erick St. John: That's why it's hard for me to come out here and give you an update on my condition.

A hush starts to come over the crowd.

Erick St. John: It's not good news.

The crowd begins to boo.

Erick St. John: My eye sustained serious damage in the aftermath of the Five Minute Drill. Doctors and eye specialists have done as much as they can. The rest is up to my body.

ESJ pauses and clears his throat.

Erick St. John: Vision has not returned to my right eye. My medical team back in LA says some kind of vision should have returned by now. Bones are healing. But sight is a precious thing. It's not something to take for granted. It's not something that just turns on and off.

ESJ looks over at Sandra and takes a deep breath. He then looks back at the camera.

Erick St. John: Although it's still up in the air, there is a good possibility that my sight won't come back. Only time will tell. But over this holiday weekend, I had time to reflect on everything that has transpired. Even before Driller Jaworski destroyed my eye. See... before Driller cowardly bashed me with his elbow, I had already lost sight of a great many things. I was wrong about the Renaissance. I was wrong in my methods to help the new generation of wrestlers. I was wrong about my place in this sport. I've been blind longer than I ever realized. Driller only manifested what was true about "The Forgotten One."

The crowd begins to chant.

Crowd: FUCK DRILLER! FUCK DRILLER! FUCK DRILLER!

Erick St. John: If anything, I have Driller to thank for helping me see the errors of my ways. I've lost sight of what matters most in life. I've already accomplished more than I could ever imagine. And chasing after a selfish dream has cost me... and people I love... very dearly.

The crowd senses where this is all going.

Crowd: YOU STILL GOT IT! YOU STILL GOT IT!

Erick St. John: No... I don't. And no doctor will clear a half-blind wrestler. So it's time I'm unselfish and cede my place in 1WM to someone else. Maybe a newcomer looking for a shot. A rookie looking for an opportunity. Maybe stepping away is how I best help the next generation.

The crowd boos at the prospect of Erick stepping away.

Erick St. John: It's what's best for this company. It's what's best for me and loved ones. It's what's best for the next generation. I only ask one thing.

There is a long pause. Tears well up in Erick's face.

Erick St. John: Forget Me Not.

ESJ drops the mic and raises a hand up as "Moonlight Sonata" by L'Orchestra Cinématique plays again. He grabs Sandra's hand, and they both wave at the crowd, who is stunned.

Spazz: When it’s time, it’s time yo. Sad but true...

Vance Issac Parker: Say it ain’t so. You hate to see someone call it quits, on what is surely not their own terms. And of course the career ‘highlight’ Jaworski will claim for this.

Spazz: We got a match coming up next. That’ll cheer us up! Big one too. Von Rossbach versus Coda for a shot at the Splat Multiuniversal Championship! Woooo!

Vance Isaac Parker: After their words backstage, I think it’s safe to say both of them are ready. Stick around, folks, it’s the match both women need to win, and neither can afford to lose!

Singles Match
(Winner Receives a Splat! Multiuniversal Championship Opportunity)
Ursula Von Rossbach
versus
Coda

The referee looks at both wrestlers to make sure that they’re ready for the upcoming match. He then calls for the bell, making the match officially underway. The two slowly approach one another near the center of the ring to shake hands.

DING DING DING!!!

UVR reaches out to grab hold of Coda, but Coda uses her speed to duck underneath the attempt. Coda creates a bit of space between them before hitting UVR with a series of quick kicks to the ribs to try and wear her down. The impact of the blows seem like they’re knocking UVR off balance, though she eventually catches one of Coda’s kicks in the air. Coda desperately tries to create a bit of space but unfortunately for her, she’s unable to do so before UVR pulls her in and nearly takes Coda’s head off with a clothesline.

Vance Isaac Parker: For all of UVR’s, uh...quirks...the woman is as dangerous as it gets in the ring. She’s been doing this at a high level for a very, VERY long time! I mean this in the best of ways, Ursula please do not kill me in catering later!

Spazz: You got a skyscraper facing off against a small apartment complex! Coda’s got an uphill battle up in here!

Coda starts to drag herself back up to her feet as UVR closes the gap. She hits Coda in the side of the head with an elbow shot to knock her groggy. She follows it up with a second. Coda barely is able to keep herself upright. UVR effortlessly hoists her into the air. She lets Coda hang for a moment before dropping her ribs first onto the ropes. Coda falls to the mat and tries to pull herself back up to her feet, clutching at her ribs in the process. UVR grabs hold of Coda from behind before lifting her into the air and delivering a gutbuster! Coda rolls around on the mat, clutching at her ribs, clearly feeling the effects of the drop. UVR covers.

ONE!
TWO - KICKOUT!!

Vance Isaac Parker: Out-gunned and out-muscled as she may be, Coda still is not giving up this fight so easily!

Spazz: Coda’s the Pint-Size Kaiju! She ain’t stoppin’ till you make her stop!

Coda continues to clutch at her ribs, clearly feeling the effects of the match thus far. Ursula Rossbach grabs hold of Coda and tries to get her into position for a full nelson. Coda has just enough time to scurry away. UVR tries to close the gap---only to have Coda step forward and hit Sonata Knee (running high knee to the head)! The impact sends UVR stumbling back, though she manages to remain on her feet. Coda then bounces off of the ropes to try and build some momentum. UVR steps forward and tries to cut her off by lifting Coda into the air. Coda reverses whatever UVR is attempting by sending her crashing to the mat with a headscissors takedown! Coda bounces off of the ropes and hits her with a running dropkick!

Vance Isaac Parker: What a move by Coda and a terrific placement she’s found herself in!

Spazz: Gotta’ keep the pressure on if you want a hope in hell of winning against The Terminator!

Coda takes a deep breath and ignores the rib pain. She glances back at UVR and then leaps into the air, hitting her with a standing moonsault! She hooks the leg and goes for the cover.

ONE!
TWO!!
T- UVR THROWS CODA OFF!!

Coda steps back and waits for her Symphony of Destruction partner to pull herself back up to her feet. Coda hits UVR with a few quick kicks to the ribs to wear her down. Coda then grabs UVR’s arm and runs over toward the ropes. She springboards off only to have UVR catch her in the air. UVR snaps off a devastating powerslam! She hooks the leg for the cover.

ONE!
TWO!!
THR- KICKOUT!!!

Vance Isaac Parker: I watched Coda in a match for an alternative promotion, and from what I saw there, every time I see her move to her ribs, I cringe a little just remembering what she went through. I hope she’s gonna be okay.

Spazz: If she wasn’t ok, she wouldn’t be medically cleared to be in that ring against her partner and fellow Kaiju.

Vance Isaac Parker: Right, but you know people hide injuries so they don’t have to take time off frequently, right? Time off the road is a death knell in your career.


Ursula Rossbach pulls herself back up to her feet---gazing at Coda the entire time. Coda slowly stumbles back up to her feet as well. Once she’s standing, UVR runs forward and hits her with a big boot to the chest that knocks her back against the turnbuckle! Coda gasps for air as she tries to remain upright. She slumps against the turnbuckle and continues to try and recover. Ursula, sensing an opening, runs forward and tries to crush Coda against the turnbuckle! Coda just barely steps out of the way.

Vance Isaac Parker: Had she not gotten away, I can only imagine that’d be certain death. Big yikes.

Spazz: Big mistake on Ursula’s part!

Coda looks at UVR and shakes her head. She grabs hold of UVR and runs toward the ropes, using them as leverage to spike UVR into the mat for a tornado DDT! UVR is motionless for a moment before pulling herself back up to her feet. Coda lines herself up with UVR and runs forward, connecting with a shining wizard! Again, UVR slowly starts to pull herself back up to her feet using the turnbuckle. Finally, Coda shakes her head and runs forward, catching her with Symphonic Elbow (running jumping elbow strike with the opponent leaning against the turnbuckle)! UVR collapses and Coda covers.

Vance Isaac Parker: Ballgame!

ONE!
TWO!!
THRE-KICKOUT!!

Vance Isaac Parker: ...or not. Dang she’s tougher than a two dollar steak!

Spazz: That was too close for her comfort!

Ursula grits her teeth, shaking her head from the impressive blow as she rises, Coda looking on with a bit of shock and awe. She fights down the surprise and adjusts accordingly. She side steps, leaps to the ropes and springboards off with another Tornado DDT, but locking on a bodyscissor hold and a tight Guillotine! Ursula does not go down to the canvas, but remains standing, her legs quivering from the exertion of the match and the imbalance of her body while being choked out!

Spazz: SHE’S GONNA’ CHOKE URSULA OUT!!!

Vance Isaac Parker: No matter how big you are, the human body can only survive roughly eight minutes without oxygen. For more science facts, check out biology dot com.

She drops to one knee, fighting the natural tendency to black out, only to suddenly rise with a choked roar and ram Coda into a corner violently, over and over until she finally releases the hold and slumps down in the corner!

Vance Isaac Parker: Coda has got to be running on fumes here.

Spazz: Her ribs have got to be completely fucked up.

Ursula gathers a seemingly lifeless Coda up and puts her into the double chickenwing….

Vance Isaac Parker: I don’t wanna say it and be wrong again, but hitting this is the end of the ballgame. Bottom of the ninth, bases loaded.

Spazz: Game over, man!

...She then hoists Coda’s form up, steps back, and turns to face the center of the ring and as Ursula raises her up just a little more, Coda’s arms slip free! Ursula does not even have time to react as Coda dips forward, takes the legs, hooks her legs under Ursula’s pits, and manages to take her off her feet and to the canvas with a Victory Pin!

ONE!!!

TWO!!!

TTTHHHHRRREEEE!!!

Ursula manages to kick out but it’s too little too late as the Referee signals the bell!

Vance Isaac Parker: WHOA WHATWASTHAT DID SHE JUST?!

DING DING DING!!!

Jacquie Leblanc: The winner of this match… and advancing into a match for the Splat Multiuniversal Championship...Coda!!!

Vance Isaac Parker: A true David and Goliath story, honestly if I were a betting man (I’m not!) I’d have put money on Ursula, but right there, fourth and goal, Coda made the call to run the ball...and it paid off!

At first it seems as if The Lady Terminator is going to pulverize Coda where she stands, the shorter woman spent and in pain beyond measure but instead, she gives her a smile and hoists her arm in the air as her music plays.

Vance Isaac Parker: Great sportswomanship by Ursula Von Rossbach! That’s the way you love to see a match end.

Spazz: Yeah, I thought for a sec there she was going to have somebody’s lunch here.

Vance Isaac Parker: True friendship conquers all.

As Coda and Ursula prepare to leave the ring, the lights in the arena suddenly shut down and the opening 24 seconds of "Majesty" (Instrumental Remix) by Apashe begins to play

Vance Isaac Parker: Oh no, just when I thought we had the happily ever after ending...

Spazz: What the actual fuck?

The crowd jeers at the interruption as a spotlight shines over the ring at the two battle-worn superstars. Coda and Ursula look at each other in confusion before they hear a digitally distorted voice speak in the sound system.

Voice: First, they ignore you! Then they ridicule you! Then they fight you! And then you win. Behold a new beginning...

A spotlight shines on the entrance ramp, and the hooded figure in the Guy Fawkes mask from Legendary 18 stands defiantly in their way to the back. Ursula is in no mood for the theatrics, but Coda stops her.

Vance Isaac Parker: This is the creep who interrupted the World Title Match between Jenn Drew and Lash Donahue!

Spazz: This guy has a hard on for interrupting big matches or something? This doesn’t answer the question as to why he’s here though.

Vance Isaac Parker: Not even in the slightest.

As if responding to the commentary team, the masked figure points at both Ursula and Coda and speaks to them in a stern tone as the music lowers significantly.

Voice: WAR! WAR! Raging everywhere! No one seems to notice, and they don't seem to care. The war is imminent and long rage on. Taking and plundering until one side is gone. Heed now my warning, don't ignore it like me. A war is coming, and it's coming for thee. I am a pariah, discarded by all. But make no mistake, I am the first to give all. Primus. Inter. Pares.

The lights in the arena go out again, and "Majesty" plays again before the lights return, and the masked figure is gone once more. Symphony of Destruction looks at each other. What did the message mean? Who was it directed towards? Without an answer, the pair decide to exit through the curtain side by side.

Vance Isaac Parker: Folks, if you’re confused, you’re not alone, I have not a single idea what exactly it means or why these seemingly pre-planned verbal attacks are plaguing the One Dub shows the way they are. Let’s take you backstage one more time tonight, where Dae-Hyun is waiting for us once more.

We go to the back where Dae-Hyun Lee is waiting as he looks to the camera.

Dae-Hyun Lee: Ladies and Gentlemen, my guests at this time… The Rock Hearts!

Griffin Hawkins and Stacy Jones come onto the screen as the crowd goes wild.

Dae-Hyun Lee: Griffin… Stacy… You two are one of the most popular Tag Teams in the sport today. How does it feel to be reuniting here in 1WM?

Stacy Jones: It feels great, Lee! 1WM fans all over the world have waited for us to reunite, and now their dreams have come true! The Shinigami Foundation is a hell of a tag team… and we realize we got a long night ahead of us, but we're gonna see to it that the Rock Hearts debut in One Wrestle is one to remember.

Griffin Hawkins: That's right. We respect the Shinigami Foundation. Hell, they're actually friends of ours! But when we're in that ring, we got no friends, just enemies, and obstacles. And tonight we're gonna do everything in our power to overcome these obstacles.

Dae-Hyun Lee: Griffin, you said on social media that you also had a score to settle with somebody here in 1WM, who might that be?

Griffin Hawkins: Simple… See, I looked at the marquee a few weeks ago… and I saw a certain name on the card. And that name is Noelle Jansen. In case anyone out there has forgotten, I had my first shot at the World Heavyweight Title… and Noelle, under orders from Solomon, jumped me from behind with a Steel Chain. I never forgot that… for months, she's avoided getting in the ring with me, but now it's gotta happen. I want to be World Heavyweight Champion, and I want to make sure that I got a clear path. She can pick any type of match she wants. I don't care what it is as long as I get her in the ring and settle this once and for all. But for now… we got business to take care of.

They leave as we head to a commercial.

Spazz: Looks like Griff’s gonna’ settle that outstanding debt.

Vance Isaac Parker: And like any outstanding debt, there comes a time when it’s sent to collections. And the funny thing about collections is...they don’t care about your sob stories. They just want their money. Griffin is the collector...and Noelle’s payment is past due!

Vance Isaac Parker: What a show we’ve had tonight, with a heavy focus on the Kali Kartel both ‘winning’ and losing, a brilliant cross promotion match with Splat Media, the mysterious masked doomsayer, and oh yeah remember that time Don Tirri ran off one half of the Kartel so they couldn’t cheat? But up next, is the main event.

Spazz: It’s been a hell of a show dawg, but her we are, we have arrived at the mofuggin’ MAIN EVENT SON! ROCKHEARTS VS SHINIGAMI FOUNDATION! It’s a proven fact, Rock n’ Roll soothes the Devil and will Griff and Stace manage to sooth these devil’s with hard rock wrestling long enough for the pin and the win?

Vance Isaac Parker: I don’t know how to top what we’ve seen tonight, but let’s head to the ring and find out!

Main Event
Tornado Tag Team Match
The Rock Hearts (Griffin Hawkins and “Unbreakable” Stacy Jones)
versus
The Shinigami Foundation (David Belmont and Alex Slayer)

DING DING DING!!!

As soon as the match starts, Griffin Hawkins and Stacy Jones approach Alex Slayer and David Belmont in the middle of the ring without caution. Extending their arms to offer a handshake, the Shinigami Foundation duo refuses with solemn glares. That is, Belmont almost shakes Griffin’s hand, but Alex stopped him while the blue-haired Amanda Belnades watches from ringside for support.

Spazz: The Shinigami not taking that handshake at all. Guess they’s not doing the sportsmanly thing, yo.

Vance Isaac Parker: I’m not incredibly familiar with The Shinigami. What can you tell me about them, partner?

Spazz: They got a name that’s hard to pronounce, look like demonic mofos, and are really tired of being overlooked by everybody and their mom’s. They’s out for blood and bragging rights!

Vance Isaac Parker: So do you think they’d do anything drastic to win here tonight? Especially with an outside guest they could make their mark on?

Spazz: Dude I put nothing past no one in this game.


After a moment to observe the unique arena around them, Belmont starts things off against Griffin while 1WM’s guest Stacy Jones focuses her attention on the more subdued Alex Slayer. After a heavy clothesline from Belmont with Griffin against the ropes, the two rockers tumble to the dirt floor below while Jones tries to lay in strikes to the Handsome Halfbreed’s handsome face only for her arms to be pushed aside with rapid forearm blocks each time. Slayer counterpunches to the gut, allowing Stacy to buckle over. Then, Alex lifts her onto his shoulders lying face up, and attempts to flip her over into a finisher cutter variation he calls a Yamato ε! Before it could land, however, Stacy tilts herself back to land on her wobbly feet, then gets shoved towards the ropes! Slipping through and onto the apron, she slowly climbs back to her feet and slingshots over the ropes towards him. Corkscrew cutter! It’s what she calls an Unbreakable Cutter (and what Alex would call a Yamato X), only for Slayer to catch himself with both arms before he collides with the mat and kip back to his feet! Now the two circle each other, admiring their back and forth while the two bathe in the admiration of the audience.

Spazz: Boom, Boom, BOOM! That was a sweet counter by Slayer, gettin’ out of that Unbreakable cutter! Guess it’s not so unbreakable, is it?

Vance Isaac Parker: Maybe they’ll need to change the name to the Breakable Cutter.

On the outside of the ring, it’s a much less technical affair. Despite the fact that Griffin and Belmont have been slugging it out all this time, neither of them looks close to tired yet. In fact, David tries for the Harvester of Sorrow bicycle high knee to a kneeling Hawkins, only for the veteran to roll out of the way and attempt a Shot in the Dark superkick! That misses too, as Belmont grabs the leg and swings him to slam the side of his ribs into the steel post! Griffin falls to the dirt floor and David climbs onto the apron, reaching up onto the turnbuckle to shout out the words “Aces High!”

Spazz: You ain’t catching Griffin Hawkins off guard that easy! Superkick City, NO-MISSED! Belmont just slung him all up in that corner. Ribs be screwed, yo! Now he’s up top looking for that Ace’s high!

Vance Isaac Parker: That’s a DDT that’ll put anyone down.

With Alex down, Stacy pulls at Belmont’s leg to tug him off his perch, allowing him to fall back-first into the ring while Griffin slowly recovers, fresh bruises visibly on his side.

Spazz: Ooooo! DENIED! Stacy Jones just sayin’ nah Bitch, you see that rug? She just yanked it out from under you!

Vance Isaac Parker: Denied like the third failed login to your mobile banking app!

Exhausted, Jones notices Alex starting to climb to his feet. With a wide-legged crouched stance, she prepares to strike him back down with a jumping corkscrew roundhouse kick she calls the Bat-Hammer, but before she can, she’s hit with Belmont’s devastating Harvester of Sorrow bicycle high knee! As she falls to the side, Alex catches her from behind in a belly-to-back piledriver position while Belmont climbs the turnbuckle again. With their Seasons in the Abyss tag team finisher in mind, the crowd gasps at the sight of 1WM’s guest in such peril!

Spazz: Jones lookin’ to take that advantage but NO HARVESTER OF SORROW SHUTS HER DOWN!!! Slayer’s got her in the PD hold… I smell Seasons in the Abyss coming on….

Vance Isaac Parker: Really? Cause all I’m smelling is you...you didn’t have Taco Bell before the show, did you?

Spazz: Nah, I was classy tonight. I went to Wendy’s.

Before the move could connect with the mat, a groggy Griffin slides into the ring and slips in between Stacy’s head and the hard floor beneath. This slightly softens the blow for Stacy but targets the side of his ribs that already hurt from the ongoing battle.

ONE!
TWO!!
THRE - STACY KICKS OUT!!!

Spazz: Woah! Griffin Hawkins just became a human crash pad, keeping Stace from getting her Nog Nog bashed in on the canvas with that double team Piledriver!!!

Vance Isaac Parker: the loud recognizable sound of flesh upon flesh as VIP’s hand smacks his forehead.

In all the confusion, Belmont and Alex take their eyes off their opponent only to be surprised when a disorientated yet Unbreakable Stacy Jones hits Slayer with a modified Remember Who You Are corkscrew stunner from the ground, followed by Griffin with a gassed Number One Stunner to David Belmont almost in tandem!

Spazz: Look at that team work on display! Tandem big moves! Remember Who You Are and Number One Stunner on Slayer and Belmont! Down and OUT!!!

Vance Isaac Parker: But it’s not an ice cold Stunner?

Spazz: That’s Griffin Hawkins, not Ice Cold Steven Frost!

The two cross over.

Spazz: AND DUAL PINS!!!!

Stacy pins Belmont. Griffin pins Slayer. The referee counts with both hands!

ONE!
ONE!
TWO!!
TWO!!
THRE - BELMONT KICKS OUT!!!
THRE - SLAYER KICKS OUT!!!

Vance Isaac Parker: Stereo kick outs!

Spazz: If either one of them didn’t get those shoulders up, this match would be over!! The action carries right the fuck on!!!!

Vance Isaac Parker: Would it carry on? Really? Or would it run or at least jog at a brisk pace on?

Now with their eyes on David, Hawkins slowly lifts him to his feet and sets up their tag team finisher. Griffin’s legsweep combines with Stacy’s flying fish hook, leading to what’s called a Sheer Heart Attack!!!

Spazz: DOUBLE TEAM SHEER HEART ATTACK!!!

Vance Isaac Parker: Ballgame!

Hawkins gestures for Stacy to get the pin, and she does just that.

Spazz: Stacy Jones going for the Pin and maybe the win!!!

ONE!
TWO!!
THREE!!!

Spazz: PUT A FORK IN THIS MATCH IT’S DOOOOOONE!!!


DING DING DING!!!

Vance Isaac Parker: That’s just one reason why if you built a sports-entertainer from the ground up, they’d look like Griffin Hawkins. What a match, what a well-oiled machine with their tandem offense out there tonight!

Jacquie Leblanc: The winner of this match… by pinfall… The Rock Hearts, Stacy Jones and Griffin Hawkins!!!

Spazz: Big hot sauce win by the Rock Hearts! They owned this mofugga!!! Griff Hawkins and Stace Jones are one of the best tag teams in this business! No denials yo!

Vance Isaac Parker: What’s the over-under on getting Stacy to sign full time? We got titles, that’s always a pot-sweetener yeah?

Spazz: It’s be just toooooo sweet if she signed on. They’ve killed it as a tag team wherever they’ve worked dawg.

After a bit of celebration from the winning team, "Only in California" by Mack 10 starts to play over the PA system. Out from the curtain walk The Headhunters (Eric Calloway and Dexter Calloway) who fought earlier tonight, followed by Driller Jaworski, Jack Riggs, and Noelle Jansen.

Spazz: And where’s all the mofuggas that are against ‘em? Where’s the 1WM Army yo?

Vance Isaac Parker: C’mon guys, this isn’t the place or the time….

Spazz: The Kali Kartel have fucked over and pissed off so many people in the back that I’m surprised that there isn’t like some huge gathering at the stage daring them to try something!

Instead of entering the ring, the group glare from the aisle, dirt at their feet while Griffin Hawkins and Stacy Jones look back at them.

Vance Isaac Parker: Well, well, well, if it isn’t the collector and the debt. Griffin would do anything to finally, finally get his hands on Noelle Jansen just one more time.

Spazz: Yous think they’ll let Griff just have it? Not straight up like a fair fight at all.

Exhausted and against the ropes, Hawkins gestures for them to step inside and fight, only for them to ignore his request entirely. The Jukebox Hero points to Noelle Jansen specifically though, as if to remind her that the two are destined to fight in due time.

Vance Isaac Parker: We’d love to keep this going, but folks we’re out of time! When will Griffin get hands on Noelle? When will the Kartel finally meet their maker? When will the Headhunters learn how to spell? Find out the answers to all these questions AND MORE - but right now, I’m Vance Isaac Parker, and alongside Mike Spasiano --

Spazz: AND THIS HAS BEEN EPIC!!! SNOOTCHIE BOOTCHES!!!! GOODNIGHT!